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Seems like there's a "little problem", and in my opinion
it's that the Verse is better than the Chorus.
In other words, the Verse has a radiofriendly/commercial sound,
but the Chorus is more Indie. I'm not saying anything is bad or
wrong, but that they just don't tie together very well (for a specific
target in mind).
Or in other words again - the Verse is more memorable than the Chorus
(and I could keep praising you here - you really deserve the compliments).
But you should work on the Chorus. It needs that little extra attention
from you.
As for the rest, you did a notable job. The songwriting and Arrangement
show good creativity and musicianship. The track is well elaborated
dynamically and you deserve a "thumbs up" for that. The
performance is excellent too - you don't have to worry about that
- it is a major one.
But I cannot suppress that feeling: have you used Verse and Chorus
from two different songs, or have you just written them at different
times or with a different attitude?!
And it's hard to say how to improve it. You just need a stronger
Chorus. I mean, a stronger melody in the Chorus! Right now, to me,
the guitar (during the Chorus) is more memorable than your melody.
But again, as a whole, the song is memorable. Not commercial enough,
but memorable. Well, it's a subtle dilemma, but an important one.
Another thing: Lets assign a letter to the different song parts
- A, B, and C (as in order of appearance) - you don't need the "last
B". Instead of repeating the Bridge, put the Chorus there and
repeat it one more time.
And repeat the "crazy rocket in my pocket" as well- it
could be the song's hook.
If I am allowed to make a comparison with your previously reviewed
song - this one shows major improvements - structure, arrangement
and the overall sound are superior. Oh well, and the Verse - I just
love it!
Best of Luck,
Anton Tontchev
for MSSVision.com - 04/25/2003
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