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If you are into Alternative, Acid (but pleasant) songs
- then you should LISTEN!
But...
Starting from the intro - here is a 30 sec. intro
to a 135 sec. song (50 sec. is the Coda). The most memorable thing
in this track is the atmosphere it creates right from the
start. You just don't need those 30 sec. of intro - cut it down
to 1/2 or even 1/4 from total (intro) length. It's gonna be
enough to lead into the song's essence.
There are two things hard to be accepted from majors
(stations, labels etc.):
1. Strings (sound and performance);
2. Chorus is missing [I know it's somewhere (there)];
- Strings - you could easily find a little
better sound, but most important - they play like using a
sustain effect which is not natural! Strings don't play two notes
at the same time on the same chord!
- Chorus - it's impossible to notice a difference between
the Verse and Chorus. Do they exist? Usually Stations are looking
for something memorable to play for their listeners. And that memorable
thing has to be the Chorus! That's why majors are
creating and looking for Choruses.
So.., "Sincere, sincerely..." could be the Chorus
?!
But you have to make it stronger, notable and it has to differ in
some way from the rest (keeping and strengthening the overall sound/mood).
Work on increasing dynamics between the song parts!
I would suggest for this tune:
- slow down the Bass part - half the texture is enough (that
will help further the
overall song's mood). Keep it like currently on the "Chorus";
- you don't need to use that strings (the guitar is great
and enough): but you could still add the strings on the Chorus (only
there);
- overdub the Lead Vocal on the Chorus or add a second voice;
- be careful when using the Hi-Hat (especially the closed
one) - it's sound changes
often and that is distracting some how. You could lighten the texture
as well on "she
smiles..."
- the "rap" part: it could be a nice bridge if there was a
melody or just talk - right now it is somewhere in between and doesn't
help the rest of the track;
- the Coda - too long again! It would be nice when you have
a memorable Chorus to repeat it 3-4 times at the end - adding
instruments, voices, increasing the dynamic it's always helpful
for a powerful and breath taking end.
You've got pleasant instrumental only harmonies (acid
at times but nice) which repeat again and again at the end. It's
a good rule to end a song singing!
If you must finish with only instruments, keep
it short. If it's long use fade out.
Good performance (except strings and rap) and musicianship, completed
with a
goodl choice of instruments and sounds! That leads to the particular
and Unique signature - Alchemix (nice mix - sound/name :)
In order to be (major) Radiofriendly, this song needs the above
improvements (chorus, intro, coda, strings, bass, rap). For a non
major (Indie Alternative) it is OK!
You've got good Lyrics and sound that tie very well
together - it's a pleasant
Alternative tune). Do that little bit to make it Alternative-commercial
(mainstream)!
Umm... , Is that the Chorus - "And the rain..."?
;-)
After listening and listening, I like it
more and more... And I think that those changes will make it
memorable at "Prima Vista"!
Anton Tontchev
for MSSVision.com
- Nov/03/2001
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